I found out the other day that a guy I've know for three years isn't who I had always assumed he was. I've known him only through our online interactions, primarily IRC chat with some forum interaction. He is a computer programmer by profession and I even use one of his applications. I had always assumed, without really analyzing it, that he was younger than me, of medium build, and white. Turns out he is younger than me, but he's a big black guy. This has really surprised me, as over the years my conception of him had matured to the point of being fairly reliable, in my own mind.
When I first meet people online, I don't really form many hard conclusions about what they look like. I might fill in a few general outlines, say breasts and hips for females, perhaps with longish hair, maybe some age relevant details, but I'm not surprised to find out that someone didn't look like the image I had in my mind if and when I see a picture. They might be fatter or skinnier, have glasses, even be black, red, brown, or yellow, and it doesn't surprise me. I keep my expectations loose and fluid.
But with this recent event, my conception of this guy was pretty well established in my head. It is bothering me because I can't figure out if I've committed some liberal politically-correct crime or if we stumbled into a positive space founded on a distinct lack of importance placed on racial and ethnic identity. I figure I've either made a mistake in uncritically assuming that an online entity that programs computers and hangs out online all day and doesn't talk about their race is white or that detail of his personhood is such a trivial one (which is kind of the goal of a multi-ethnic society, no?) that it never entered our discussions. The only time I've seen a discussion that indicated any racial or ethnic differences was when he was recently talking about his hair-twists coming undone, which clued me in to the notion that he had a different hair style than I was expecting.
Of course, when I saw his picture, my first responses were denial ("that can't be him!") and guilt ("Shit, I've been assuming him to be white the whole time"). I can't escape dealing with at least one of these responses. Either I conclude that the channel is fucking with me and I shouldn't be gullible, or I recognize that I made an erroneous assumption about his identity.
It seems to me that making such a mistake about someone's identity in a blind environment isn't really something that I should feel bad about. Or is it? Is there something unjust or discriminatory in assuming that a programmer is white or that a black person wouldn't be doing what this guy is doing? Yet, i never assumed that, and had I been privy to such a detail early on in the relationship, it wouldn't have fazed me at all. It is only because my assumptions, which typically begin loose and flexible, had morphed over time into rather hard conclusions that I unconsciously had found confirming evidence for. If the initial assumptions are not challenged over a long enough period, their accuracy becomes more reliable. This is just common psychological functioning, I think.
I think it would be a greater error to exercise extreme skepticism and disbelieve that the picture I saw is real. The comments about his hair seemed wholly casual and legitimate and I see no evidence of deceit by the cohort of friends who hang out together online. The only reason to conclude that he is white but trying to fool me into thinking he is black is that it is the only way to protect my assumptions. It would be more disrespectful and discriminatory to refuse to believe this than to have made the error of assumption in the first place. He had never made mention of his race, and I filled in the blank eventually based on stereotypes and statistical probabilities. But was that wrong? If someone never mentions or gives clues as to their ethnic identity, is it morally, philosophically, or intellectually askew to assume that they are thus white (or part of the dominant ethnic group)? Are minorities expected to have to make it clear to avoid people conceiving of them as something other than they are? Is it important for us to constantly keep our conceptions of people open to adjustment until we get some evidence, be it political or religious ideas, ethnic background, country of origin, sexual preferences, or tastes in music? Or if racial identity isn't a matter of importance to a person, is there no harm in making unintentional assumptions? If something is important to someone's identity, can we expect them to make it salient in interactions?
So with all of this whinging as a background, I'm lead to wonder what kind of assumptions minorities make in similar circumstances. I suspect that most everyone with any experience in online interactions probably refrains from making a lot of assumptions about the identity of others they meet until they get some confirming details. Obvious exceptions are if you are involved with a crowd or community that inherently has identifying characteristics, be it an AARP (assume everyone is old), Rainbow Coaltion (Everyone is gay, or wants to be), or goth (everyone is immature and suffering from the unraveling of the fabric of human society). But if you are in a community with non-identifying characteristics of membership, if someone fails to mention that they possess a particular characteristic over a 3 year period, do minorities assume they are straight, white, men or do they project a mirror image of themselves and assume the other is like them?
Posted by Nutrimentia at February 7, 2005 11:00 AM | TrackBack